Tag: self improvement

On Accepting Help

“Would you like something to eat?”

No thanks, I’m good.

“Do you need a ride?”

No thanks, I’m good.

“Do you want to come with us to [some fun place]? 

No thanks, I’m good.

“Do you need a hand?”

No thanks, I’m good.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I used to think that I didn’t know how to say no but the truth is: I say no all the time. I say yes to crap I don’t want and say no to things that I actually do want. This is a terrible pattern that I probably fell into in childhood. Back when I was being raised by a single mom and independence wasn’t just a virtue it was a method of survival. My world view was molded to be that by depending on someone else you open yourself up to being vulnerable and vulnerability is something that needs to be avoided at all cost. If a coworker offers to drive you home after work and you get used to not having to catch 2 buses and walk a mile home it sucks that much more when your coworker decides to quit and you have to go back to your old routine. Best to say no to their ride offer from the jump, right? Wrong. Life is hard, why do we make it even harder and unpleasant? Sometimes I’ve blurted out a no before someone’s even finish making their offer. Not only do I lose out on whatever they may have been offering I also loose out on a chance to build community. So much of the work that goes into forming new relationship depends on our ability to be vulnerable, to let people in.

I don’t want to go the rest of my life missing out on things I need and want because my guard is so far up. It’s an exhausting way to live and I deserve better.

 

 

 

The Art of Planting Seeds

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I’m exactly one month away from my 25th birthday. Many of the seeds that I planted in my adolescence and early twenties are beginning to bear fruit. Some of these fruits are delicate, delightful and taste like freedom. Others are so bitter I know that they must deadly. With this in mind, I’m being very intentional and deliberate about the five year goals that I set for myself today because I am more or less living the dreams that I had for myself at 20. Or I should say, I’m living those dreams and the limitations of my own imagination about what my life could look like. At 20 my ambitions were entirely focused on my future career. I didn’t give a single thought to crafting long term goals for other areas of my life like relationships or health. I know now that there is so much more to life than work. There’s work to do regarding how I show up to life, how I present myself, when and how I advocate for myself and causes I care about. A recent brush with health complications have also aided in re-shifting of priorities for me.

So here it is, the things I want to accomplish and be when I hit 30:

  1. I want to be physically and mentally healthy. This means actually using my gym membership, biking, jogging to get 30 minutes of exercise a day. This means restarting therapy again and finally coming to terms with past traumas and healthfully navigate continued bouts of depression and anxiety.
  2. I want to have a rich an thriving spiritual life. This means continued volunteering and integration into my People of Color sangha at the East Bay Meditation Center. I would live to annually go on retreats, specifically the People of Color Retreat at Spirit Rock. This also means delving more into the Dharma teaching independently and making more sense of the scriptures.
  3. I want to live and speak my truth. This means to more cowering away from difficult truths and conversations. This means sharing my thoughts and authentic self with others, despite the gut wrenching vulnerability.
  4. I want at least 5 more stamps in my passport. Right now there’s only 1 stamp from my 2013 trip to Haiti. Japan, South Africa, Ghana, Thailand, England, Cuba and Brazil are all on my list of places to visit.
  5. I want to be a founder. I have a vision for a non profit that acts as a community building resource for queers and trans people of color all around the world. I want to make it a reality by 30.