On Accepting Help

“Would you like something to eat?”

No thanks, I’m good.

“Do you need a ride?”

No thanks, I’m good.

“Do you want to come with us to [some fun place]? 

No thanks, I’m good.

“Do you need a hand?”

No thanks, I’m good.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I used to think that I didn’t know how to say no but the truth is: I say no all the time. I say yes to crap I don’t want and say no to things that I actually do want. This is a terrible pattern that I probably fell into in childhood. Back when I was being raised by a single mom and independence wasn’t just a virtue it was a method of survival. My world view was molded to be that by depending on someone else you open yourself up to being vulnerable and vulnerability is something that needs to be avoided at all cost. If a coworker offers to drive you home after work and you get used to not having to catch 2 buses and walk a mile home it sucks that much more when your coworker decides to quit and you have to go back to your old routine. Best to say no to their ride offer from the jump, right? Wrong. Life is hard, why do we make it even harder and unpleasant? Sometimes I’ve blurted out a no before someone’s even finish making their offer. Not only do I lose out on whatever they may have been offering I also loose out on a chance to build community. So much of the work that goes into forming new relationship depends on our ability to be vulnerable, to let people in.

I don’t want to go the rest of my life missing out on things I need and want because my guard is so far up. It’s an exhausting way to live and I deserve better.

 

 

 

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